I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just want nice things and good sex
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize