He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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