i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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