the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Also, beer. Big fan.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
