i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
