non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
