That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
