Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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