At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
there's paper in my vomit.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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