Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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