If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
