I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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