grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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