i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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