do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
