Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize