the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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