My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
