the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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