JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
