this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
