With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
