look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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