I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize