Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
