Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
