we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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