Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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