some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
