her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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