i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize