my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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