worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize