i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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