Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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