its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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