A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
