Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize