Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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