Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
