if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
