We won't sleep together?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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