I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
