My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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