i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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