Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
