I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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