Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
