i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
