How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
