I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
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