I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
