toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I want to make a zoo with you.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
