U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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