so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I am naked and annoyed.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
