I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize