I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
