I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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