I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
