shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
