dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize