My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
