omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
