Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
