how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
