Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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