i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
