Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
