I puked a lego.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
