All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize