Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
