Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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