guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
