I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I don't want my vagina anymore.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
