I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
