i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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