If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
