I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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