I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
