How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
