im so drunk with asians
where?
always
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
