Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
