you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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