sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
