please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
