Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
