Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize