Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
