Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
