He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Randomize
