So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
