so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
