The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize