wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
